1. A Tale of Two Hippies

August 30, 2023
Benjamin Zadik 7:15 AM
This is a photorealistic depiction of me arguing with anyone.

There are two kinds of people who write books: those who have a passion for literature and knowledge, and those who have been told "You, of all people, should never write a book, hippie!"

Rarely am I called a hippie, but on this particular day I was unshaven, unshowered, and inexplicably emanating the power of love, so I cannot fault him there. But I am decidedly in the latter 🪜 camp. Writing a book out of spite was never my goal. Now, it is my mission. 🚀

I am going to write a children’s book and publish it online in the next 6 months.

Yes, I am also going to shave and shower. Why does everyone keep pointing that out?

Would writing a children’s book make me an author? I am unsure of the technical difference between a writer of children’s books and a children’s book author, but I assume it has something to do with wearing a loose-fitting sweater vest 👨🏻‍🏫 and slurping a cup of chamomile tea 🫖 between page turns as you read your pamphlet-length opus before a gaping crowd of amused toddlers. My favorite part in this fantasy is when you wet your index finger oh so naturally to unstick the current page from the next. 👉🏼📖

🧐 Authors are classy. The sweater-vested, doubly so.

Admittedly, it’s my own bias. As a child I felt that certain professions just took themselves too seriously. What is a pilot if not a highfalutin bus driver? A surgeon is just a veterinarian who works with people. And a veterinarian is surely just a psychic who thinks she can intuit what an animal feels. Certainly I am not taking career advice from a psychic!

Anyone can write. I have been writing since the age of six. My command of the English language is BIG. And this is a children’s picture book — like 25 pages, tops.

The best thing about becoming an author? It’s the quiet victory of accomplishing something you were told you would never (or should never) do. 😏

Perhaps there is another kind of person who writes books: someone with an actual story to tell.

I just need an 💡 idea. And I know just where to look.

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This website is filled with weird stuff. Well spied! Not everything is real. People, names, dates may be fabricated. The occasional swear word has been redacted. Easter eggs abound, and yet no eggs were broken in the making of this site. Omelettes are for closers!

By: Benny Zadik